The last time I was at my doctor's office was for an "echo" test and since I had my "regular" appointment the next day, the nurse practitioner asked if we just wanted to get it over with then so we didn't have to come back. Oh, I jumped at that! But, she wanted to tell us the bad news. She was leaving and actually going to the same place where my previous doctor had gone. I, being the cold person I am, immediately hugged her and started crying. This woman has listened to so much of my life's complaints, tried to help me in so many ways, ways that a male doctor just doesn't seem to "get." I'm so sorry to see her go. She said it had been a rough year for her. Selfishly though, I still wanted her to stay because she made my life better. Ah, we humans are a selfish lot, aren't we? Or is it just me? I don't even want to know at this point.
The latest news is that I will most likely have to have a pacemaker. Oh boy! I don't feel like I need one, but I am so tired of fighting. By that, I mean, I have to fight to get up in the morning, and that's IF I even go to bed. I can't sleep because the pain level is too high. I take big pain meds regularly and then I have pain meds for "break-thru pain." It feels like I can't do anything without my breakthru pain meds. People in my life act as though I'm a drug addict. I don't particularly care, except maybe once in a while. On those occasions I want to scream at them and slap them. I seem to always want to hit people. haha I finally figured out why I want to do that but then I'd have to add a nametag to this blog. I have a friend that I've known since high school and this guy was there for me throughout all my boyfriend troubles, my college weekend drunken ramblings, everything, we've gotten into fights that have lasted years, we've been to each other's weddings, and I didn't even remember this but I couldn't remember why I was so mad at him at my wedding but he came to me a week or days before my wedding and told me not to marry my husband--to marry HIM!! We've survived a lot of stuff and we still love each other (as friends!) and HE never figured out my big secret, so if HE couldn't, I don't think anyone could. I have no idea what started me on that. Oh, why I always want to hit people. Wow, I digress, and how! I guess I'm just screwed up physically AND mentally! I'm just kidding around, acting like I didn't already know that! (haha) You don't get to where I am in life and not know that!
